Waaaayyyy back…a lifetime ago…I used to be someone who thought everyone judged me for every action, word or thought that ever came out of me. For literally decades and under the gaze of social media, I’ve been trying to change that compulsion.
One of the many downsides of this character trait is that I will often not do something for fear I’ll do it wrongly. I will often forego doing something which really interests me just because I might look foolish. Conversely, I do things (or continue doing things) which don’t interest me or things I cannot sustain because I don’t want to be judged as lacking in commitment.
This is where I find myself now. I have watched countless seasons of TV shows long after I’d lost interest. And why? Because I feel compelled to “complete the set”. I know how ridiculous that sounds.
Now let’s put this in the context of Blogjune. Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE Blogjune. I actually use this as a time for introspection and reflection. It’s a bit like Lent but with a slightly different focus. Instead of refocusing my faith and spirituality, I look at how I find fulfilment and what drives me. When I was still a working librarian, this took the form of how I practiced librarianship. Nowadays, it’s a much broader purview.
I started writing this post a few days ago and my intent was to essentially to forgive myself. I set a task of completing a blog post every single day of this month. I have done this every day of June since Blogjune began in 2010. There are times I struggle to get a post done and when I do it is often so pointless that it’s a waste of everyone’s time and my limited energy.
So setting up a hurdle for my own failure, I said I would have meme themed titles. I cannot. I let that silly concept stop me from posting on days I might have been able. Then followed a few days when I genuinely lacked the ability. I let this stop me from engaging in this “challenge” that I so enjoy.
So now I will just say this… I will write when I can. I will not lock myself in to unrealistic and arbitrary rules that literally nobody has set but me. I will be kind to myself.
Update: I started writing this on 7th June to make up for posts as I had not written anything since the 3rd. Today is now the 13th and I’m only just posting this. As it is, I’m struggling to even do this much today.
Bun-toting Librarian 