This is not what I came here for



I’ve been meaning to come back here for some time but never really felt that I was in the right frame of mind. Too angsty or uninspired or lacking real commitment or whatevs.  Anyhoo, so I came here today to have a whinge. I’m feeling pretty whingey and it hurts to talk but not to type…that’s where you come in.


Do you, faithful followers and friends and random passers-by, deserve this? Not in the least. You have been lovely folks. Never criticising, always encouraging. So why dump on you? (Coz I’m angsty and need to get it out) No! Stop that silliness. Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive!



A bunch of really icky stuff is happening. There’s been tweet after tweet after tweet of my physical decline. Keen observers and friends may have noticed that my mind is following my body.


I’ve had bouts of all kinds of things this year and I’ve been trying very hard to put on a good show for you folks at home. Heaven forbid that you should think I’m human or something. <–crazy talk

Anyways, I’m not a great actress and I don’t really have the physical strength to fight everything that has been thrown at me. Nor, it seems, do I have the mental strength.  I’m not looking for a special fitted jacket anytime soon but I might just say I’m a little frayed around the edges.

So far this is looking pretty whingey and I said I wasn’t going to do that so I’ll stop that part now. I was just setting the scene.

Now for the non-whingey bit:

I am a very lucky woman indeed.

“But Fi! All that stuff you just said about being sick and all…!”

Yes, dear Johnny-reader, I did say all that stuff but I want to look for my silver lining, remember?

Through all the dark tweets and Facebook updates and dreary Instagram pics and all the other ways I’ve exposed my ickiness to the world, one thing has become very apparent to me.


I am surrounded by people who love me. Do you know how awesome that is? And the weird part is…they’re completely genuine! And even weirder… I care about them too!

The world is full of some really beautiful people. They might tweet some crazy-ass stuff sometimes. Or they may not have an appropriateness filter (…she said, looking into the nearest reflective surface). But really, who has the right to sit in judgement of that stuff? Not I!

So to all my friends, family, freaks and funny folk…THANK YOU!

Thank you for lifting my spirits when I’ve been sick, sad or alone.

Thank you for restoring my faith in a humanity abandoned and neglected by mainstream media.

Thank you for your love and concern.

Thank you for your complete awesomeness.

Thank you for your uniqueness and your defiance of conformity.

Thank you for your continuing support and offers of shoulders and cups of tea.

I am a better person for knowing that you all exist and I thank God for you all.

<<tissue break>>

I’d also like to give thanks for aloe vera infused tissues.


Thanks for looking out for me!

This entry was posted in Life choices, Private life, Reflection and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to This is not what I came here for

  1. Fi I know what you mean. I have some life changing stuff going on at the moment too and am just astonished at how many positives there are. It is tempting to say “why me?” and hide in a corner but I have so many people looking out for me, looking after me and just loving me that it seems wrong not to embrace that and be truly, truly thankful. Hugs to you x

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