A testing time

I’ve alluded to my ill health on a few occasions of late.  I’ve not gone into much detail…such things are personal and, while I don’t usually have a filter, I think I need to exercise my right to keep some parts of my private life away from public fora. However, it seems hard to blog about my day without sharing some shards of the story.

Today was a difficult day for me.  I began the day fasting for an ultrasound…the latest in a barrage of tests to find out what is causing my disturbing symptoms.  I have my suspicions about what is making me feel the way I do and I’m clinging to a hope that of all the “itises” and other ailments being investigated that this is not serious and completely treatable.

Some days I’ve been close to blacking out.  I’ve suffered from dizziness for the best part of the last 20 years and if it was going to do me in it would have done it by now.  Nevertheless, it’s always a bad day if the “darkening” happens at work while in the middle of an info session (as it did a few weeks ago) or while driving (as it did last Sunday).  Given my 20yr history of some of these symptoms, I’ve learned to sense the warning signs.  I wasn’t so aware in years past and I did black out on two occasions while driving.  It’s a little more annoying these days because I’ve recently noticed that the dizziness is now accompanied by confusion.

I’ve been severely curtailing my activities and getting my amazingly supportive husband and my long-suffering mother to take me to places if I feel like it might be a day that I might have another episode.  I even had to work from a different site a little closer to home on Monday because I just wasn’t confident that I would make it back home again.

This is only one of the symptoms…and not even the most troubling.  I will keep the rest to myself for now.

I don’t really know why I’ve decided to write about this today but it’s probably because it’s pretty much all consuming and there’s not much space left in my mind to think about anything else.

I have a favour to ask of my readers and friends.  I don’t want your pity.  Don’t treat me like I’m a pathetic creature.  Don’t give me hugs and sympathy because that’s what you think you need to do.  I’m not made of glass.  I’m not fragile.  You don’t need to handle with care.  Just cut me a little slack and forgive my imperfections.

On a lighter note, let’s move on to the Musical Challenge.

Rachel was quickest off the mark in answering Song 13 as What I Am by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians and Song 14 was Undone (The Sweater Song) by Weezer as answered by Sean.  Well done!  Obviously, they must have been good songs to choose because both were answered in a matter of minutes after posting!

My plan was to use the song that I’m listening to just as I get to the end of the post but it’s one I love to sing and dance to when I’m out with my young friends but it’s a little racy so I’ll move on to the next one.

Song 15:

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we’ll collect the moments one by one
I guess that’s how the future’s done

Song 16:

Music is a world within itself
With a language we all understand
With an equal opportunity
For all to sing, dance and clap their hands

This entry was posted in Private life, Reflection and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A testing time

  1. Jenny says:

    15 is Feist ‘mushaboom’

  2. leesaphilip says:

    You know my phone numbers Fi, if you need them…

  3. Penny says:

    ya know… sometimes a hug is good. not out of pity but as support.

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