I could not sleep. It was well after 4am before I finally drifted off…and not before seeing the first glimpse of light in the sky and the early birds begin their morning song.
I don’t know why I have this insomnia but I pray every night that that will be the night that I get to sleep. A sleep that is uninterrupted. A sleep that isn’t filled with the most exhausting and disturbing of dreams. I dream such things that I shudder to remember them in my waking hours. So far, my prayers remain unanswered and I have nights with little sleep and what sleep I do get is troubled.
I woke today in the early afternoon. I lazed around the house and generally didn’t do much at all. I answered a few emails and attended to some committee work that I had set to one side until after Christmas. It was a “bitsa” kind of day…bitsa this and bitsa that.
I think my life is at a crossroads. I don’t really want to share the details with you all at this point but I probably will in time. My friends and regular readers will know I’m somewhat of a “heart on the sleeve” kind of person. Very little about me stays hidden. This isn’t always a good thing.
Anyway, perhaps it’s these thoughts of transition and change which keep me awake at night. Perhaps it is the juxtaposition of conflicting emotions which jostle for my attention which keeps me from settling. Maybe I should not be praying for sleep but rather I should pray for discernment and then sleep will come.
“For who would bear the whips and scorns of time?”
Now I’m listening to Nick Cave, Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu and a bunch of other music which brings tears to my eyes.
I don’t really have anything more to reflect on today but I’ll share the song that is playing as I type this last sentence…