This past week has been a pretty horrible one. There was no one thing that made it so but rather a catalogue of factors which conspired against me to erode my otherwise chipper self.
I could use this as a venue for a catharsis but, believe it or not, I’m actually not that narcissistic. Besides, I’d never be able to show my face again if I shared my deepest, darkest, most hidden thoughts and emotions. There are some things which are best kept to oneself or only shared with a trusted few.
They say it all, really.
Oh, what a day that was. It was full and busy and frustratingly unproductive and yet, if I really analyse it honestly, much of the day was spent in honest to goodness client service. So why do I feel like nothing got done?
And today isn’t much better…
I’ve been told many times by all kinds of people that I think too much. I’d feel better, less stressed, more relaxed if I only could just switch off my brain.
I know they are right. That perpetual machine that is my brain knows this to be true. However, it doesn’t have an “Off” switch. Even sleep doesn’t end the torment of activity that goes on up in that head.
I’ve been setting expectations for things beyond my control and then berating myself when those expectations aren’t met. I attribute responsibilities to myself that are not mine to attribute.
A very dear friend reminded me of this silly thing I do. My friend brought me to the brink of tears as I realised what a fool I had been to pile this pressure on myself and then crumble under the weight of it. How dare I complain about this stress when at least some of it is of my making!
Sometimes it takes a good friend to point out the nasty truths we don’t want to face. Thank God for such people.
So that is my prayer tonight. I thank God for good friends. I pray that those that love and care for me are nurtured themselves and that I demonstrate my love for my friends as selflessly as they love me. I pray for humility, to accept the advice that is given with love and genuine concern. I pray that I can be a light for others in their times of darkness. I ask God that these times of darkness and confusion ebb away as I grow in the love of God.